listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
