theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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