I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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