I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
