That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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