when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
