Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
