First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
