I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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