im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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