I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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