He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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