You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
