He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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