There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
