I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize