i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
