They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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