I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
