You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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