This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
