Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
