Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
