Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
