I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
