FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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