There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
