Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
