Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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