I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
