You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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