My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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