My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
