My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
