I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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