oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
