Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
