You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
