im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
