There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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