I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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