How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
