Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
