wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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