Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
