You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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