And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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