I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
