Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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