i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
