shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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