I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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