btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
