My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
even my farts smell like vagina
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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