College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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