she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
