she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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