shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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