saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
